Gamer boy vs. Stumpy the Parrot

In my home we have the ever fabulous me, the captivating Captain Handsome, whom you've met, my son Gamer Boy, and my daughter Scooter Girl.  Of course, there is also Barkfart the Beagle.

But oh, I have yet to mention the other three precious, feathery souls who reside here.  My incredible parrots!

Being a parront has its challenges, though mostly for my other family members.  In the beginning, Captain Handsome was determined to be friends with Miss Sassy Pants, who is an African grey with an extremely foul mouth but a warm heart.  For me. No one else.  After several nasty bites, Captain Handsome resigned himself to the fact that Miss Sassy Pants is an intellectual and not a kitty cat, and now he simply engages her through her cage bars so as not to get tagged.  The most unfortunate skill of Miss Sassy Pants is that she can perfectly inflect the vocal sounds of he who shall not be named.  I find that desperately annoying.

Stumpy is my other African Grey.  She is a handicapped parrot with no feet who stands and maneuvers on her wrists.  Due to the nature of her disability, her greatest strength is her vocabulary which boasts at least 80 words.  With Stumpy, she still channels her former owner who had a voice like a porn star,so several times a day it sounds like a low budget Cinemax movie in the bird room.

My last parrot is a blue and gold macaw I shall refer to as LL Macaw. Laundry loving macaw, or L Mac, is obsessed with my laundry room.  She has had inappropriate relations with my dryer and enjoys destroying any feet that get in her way while she is loving on said appliance.  I will never understand L Mac....my greys are smart and inquisitive, while L Mac is a trouble maker, ever testing her limits and scaring the crap out of Barkfart, the kids, and Captain Handsome.  She is a complete terror.

On the day in question, Gamer Boy was in his room and I was in my bedroom folding the familial laundry, matching up Captain Handsome's socks, and in general just being at home.

Gamer Boy: Mooooom!

Stumpy the grey: What!?

Gamer Boy: Can you come here for a minute?

Stumpy the grey: What!?

Gamer Boy: Can you come here?

Silence.........

Gamer Boy: (still in his room) Mom! 

Stumpy the grey: What?

About this time I pick up on what has been going on and I walk across the hall laughing my ass off and say to Gamer Boy:

"You've been having a conversation with the parrot for the last five minutes."

Gamer boy, exasperated, tears around the corner into the bird room and says "Stumpy!" To which stumpy the grey bobs her head up and down and says "pffffffft."

We about died.

Life with parrots.